


I created a monster, a hell within my head.

by Jaemins_smile



Series: Nomin fics [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anxiety, Best Friends, Dark Past, Depression, Doctors & Physicians, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friendship/Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Near Death, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy, Past Domestic Violence, Past Drug Use, Possible Character Death, Psychotic break, Sleep Deprivation, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21969586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaemins_smile/pseuds/Jaemins_smile
Summary: He had a psychotic break, no biggie. At least he thought, a few weeks at a hospital would fix it.Wrong choice of hospital.Jaemin's mom admitted him into the mental hospital for some treatment and then he could go on with his life, not exactly what happened.The doctors made his instability worse, messed with his brain, broke him again, what the fuck is going on?
Series: Nomin fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576309
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	I created a monster, a hell within my head.

**Author's Note:**

> Quick disclaimer. 
> 
> This shit messed up, I don't condone any of it, it's for plot only, if you don't like the shit I tagged click off now or regret reading. 
> 
> None of dis shit gonna be realistic or make any sense but like idrc lol, let's just say, the mental hospital isn't chill.
> 
> Anyways, yeah, I wrote this on two hours of sleep and on a sugar rush, have fun.

Yep, that's right, Jaemin had a psychotic break, no biggie. He'll be fine after some treatment and some much needed rest. 

He was admitted on Sunday, it was currently Monday, they were starting major treatments on Tuesday so he had a day to himself, if you could even say that. 

He wasn't exactly allowed to move from the position the nurses put him in, he didn't mind, he was comfortable on this weird little couch thing, no complaining from here. 

"Hey newbie, I'm Johnny." A very tall man stood in front of him, he had a big bright smile on his face, almost to happy for a place like this. His hands were folded behind his back, it was oddly cute. 

Jaemin could see scars on his temples, presumably from surgery, he could also see patches of hair growing back from more surgeries. 

"Hi. Jaemin." He said awkwardly, he hadn't really spoken since his break, it felt foreign now. 

"It's a pleasure Jaemin. Those are my friends who wanted to talk to you but were to much of wimps to do it so they sent me, would it be okay if they came over to talk?" He asked, he turned around and pointed to three boys across the room. 

He obviously had no filter based on how much information he just spilled, it was kinda funny, "Yeah that's cool." 

Johnny beckoned them over and then walked away when they arrived, he fluttered around the room talking to other patients, seemingly putting them in better moods. 

"I'm Haechan my brain is broken, what's wrong with you?" He sat down next to Jaemin staring in anticipation. 

"Hyuck! You can't just ask someone that!" The smaller boy said, he smacked Haechan on the arm, "Something bad could've happened to him, be a bit more respectful." Haechan crossed his arms and glared at the smaller boy.

"No need to hit me Renjun." The two continued to bicker, Jaemin found it very amusing. 

"Sorry about them, they can get a bit out of hand sometimes." A tall blonde boy said, "I'm Jeno by the way." He held out his hand for Jaemin to shake, his voice was so calming, a nice change from the bickering. 

"It's no problem, it's pretty funny actually. I'm Jaemin." He shook Jeno's hand, his hands were soft, unexpected. He smiled weirdly and turned back to the other two. 

"Their fights are usually very funny until it gets physical, when that happens the nurses take them away and they disappear for a few days and come back like new people." Jeno's eyebrows furrowed as he spoke 

Jaemin's face twisted into a look of confusion, that's kind of weird, "That's scary, I don't like that. Do they get physical often?" 

"Not really, only when one of them is having a hard time." 

Jaemin had only been here a day and he already knew something weird was happening, two red flags already. One, they hadn't brought him into care when he was brought in, the gash in his head was probably infected. Two, patients would disappear for days when something went wrong and would return like different people. 

"Hey Jaemin? Can I ask you a question?" Jeno asked, he looked uncomfortable like he didn't exactly want to ask, interesting. 

"Shoot." 

"What's wrong with your hair back there? It's all matted and weird." The tips of his ears were cherry red. Jaemin chuckled and lightly touched his hair. 

"It's blood, I have a big ol' cut back there." He touched the back of his head a bit to hard and brushed his fingers across the cut, he flinched slightly and let his hand drop at his side. 

"How did you do that? If you don't mind me asking of course." Jeno crouched next to the couch to look at the back of his head fully. 

"I had a psychotic break and threw myself off the hood of my car and hit my head on the curb, almost died." He laughed at his stupidity that day. 

"I did something similar to that awhile back, like a year ago, I jumped off my bed and hit my head on my desk, it wasn't nearly as bad as this though, when are they going to start treating it?" He stood back up, now looking at Jaemin's face. 

"Tommorow morning is what I've been told, they could change their mind again though." This position was quickly becoming very uncomfortable, he wished his nurse would come get him.

As if his nurse had heard his silent prayer he showed up like five seconds later. His nurse glared at Jeno, he glared right back, "Doyoung." 

"Jeno." His nurse hissed. He helped Jaemin into his wheelchair and turned to Jeno. 

"Keep you're mouth shut if you know what's good for you Lee. Don't fuck this up again." Doyoung whispered to Jeno. Jaemin could barely hear him.

For a second there Jaemin thought Jeno hadn't heard Doyoung, "I don't have to listen to you, I won't let you hurt him too." 

"Keep your mouth shut and we won't have a problem." Doyoung turned away and pushed Jaemin away, bringing him to his room.

Now three red flags had already gone off. That interaction between Doyoung and Jeno was very weird, he didn't like this one bit. 

Something was going on and he wanted to know what it was.  
—

The next day he had about an hour before his operation started so he was relaxing in the same spot as yesterday, maybe he would get to talk one of the boys he met. 

"Hey newbie, whatcha doing?" Johnny asked, he perched on the arm of the couch, his eyes wide in anticipation of Jaemin's answer. Jeno was standing a little ways behind him.

"Waiting. What are you doing?" Jaemin asked, he didn't understand what it was that made Johnny this hyper this early in the morning, he found it entertaining though. 

"Well for starters I'm talking to you, and I'm also being Jeno's wingman, he didn't have the courage to come talk to you alone, he's like the cowardly lion. He practically begged me to come with him." Johnny teased. 

Jeno's face flushed a light pink, "I did not beg you to come with me! I seen you and offered for you to join me! I had plenty of courage to talk to him alone!" He was obviously very embarrassed over this. 

"Sure you did Jeno." Jaemin teased, he laughed when Jeno's face turned a darker pink, he enjoyed teasing Jeno. 

"I did! Johnny is just being stu- silly, I meant silly." Jeno went to say stupid but quickly corrected himself when he seen Johnny cringe at the word. 

That was the first time Jaemin had seen him so uncomfortable and down, Jeno whispered a soft "sorry" and hugged Johnny. 

Jaemin was confused but didn't question it, he knew that Johnny was a mental patient, he assumed that word was most likely one of his triggers. 

After Jeno's slip up Johnny's mood went from one hundred percent all the way down to a ten, his face was sad, Jaemin could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke about a bunch of random things. 

The energetic Johnny that usually spoke with tons of enthusiasm in his voice was long gone, this one spoke in a regular voice, it sounded monotonous. 

One of Johnny's friends showed up joining the conversation, his name was Taeil, he was funny and nice, a little bit weird, kind of like Johnny. 

Time passed quickly and before he knew it his nurse showed up and was wheeling him away from his new friends. He was not looking forward to his operation. 

— 

He couldn't remember anything after Doyoung showed up to get him, it was all a blurry haze, he could faintly remember a very sharp pain in the sides of his head but that was it. 

He was coming in and out of consciousness, he could hear doctors talking about him. It made him want to stay conscious so he could hear what the were saying. 

"Electro..... to be useless!!...... No further tests of.... Done." One of them said, his voice was angry. 

A second more calm voice sounded, "Higher the....... Again... has to work." He said. 

Whatever they were talking about didn't sound good, he wanted out. He groaned and rolled into his side, trying to get away, " wanna....leave." he muttered. 

"Oh Jaemin, we can't let you do that." The first voice said, he was pushed back onto his back, and was sedated. 

He mumbled something and not even he was sure of what he had said, his eyelids felt heavy, like cinder blocks, and then his vision went black. 

— 

He woke up in his room, he didn't know how long it's been since his operation and he honestly didn't care, he wanted out of here, he didn't understand what was going on and he honestly didn't want to know. 

Whatever happened in that operation room really freaked him out, he was scared and wanted to leave. 

Doyoung entered the room right as he was about to jump out of bed, "Oh, you're awake. Doc says that it's best if you get out of bed and go somewhere else." He helped Jaemin out of bed and into the wheelchair. 

And then he was back on the couch from earlier, he scanned the room for Jeno, he spotted him talking with Johnny at the back of the room. 

He took a deep breath and pushed himself up from the couch, he hadn't walked since his accident, his legs felt like jelly, like they were going to collapse under him. 

He forced his legs to move and slowly made his was to Johnny and Jeno, "Jeno, I need to talk to you." He mumbled. He looked around the room, searching for any nurses. 

"Okay, I'll talk again later okay, Johnny?" Jeno said, he reassured Johnny he'd be back to talk to him shortly and then was at Jaemin's side, helping him back to the couch.

"Have you heard anything about he doctors being sketchy during operations or anything like that?" He asked once he was seated. His legs were aching, it was annoying. 

"Yeah, it's happened to Johnny a few times, it's also happened to me and a few other people What kind of sketchy are you talking about though?" He sat on the couch with Jaemin, lowering his voice barely above a whisper. 

"The were talking about some kind of elctro something I don't know, but they were really mad about it." 

"Electroconvulsive therapy." Jeno spit out, there was anger written all over his face. He seemed like he was genuinely upset over this. 

"Yeah! That! They were saying something about it not working and to higher something, I don't really know, I was in and out of consciousness." He struggled to remember the bits and pieces he listed. 

He barely remembered the conversation, but he obviously knew enough for the anger on Jeno's face to intensify by ten. 

"The electro therapy didn't work on you the first time, they're going to higher the voltage next time. Damn it, they've already started." He mumbled the last part to himself, not meaning for Jaemin to hear. 

He scanned the room for someone and then turned back to Jaemin, "I'm going to need you to trust me on this one. Trust no one here except me and Johnny, understand? We're the only ones that you can trust , we both know what's going on here and know the game they're playing. It's not safe to have operations Jaemin, get out of then as often as possible understand?" 

Jaemin nodded quickly and started asking more questions. They talked for a long time, halfway through talking Jeno beckoned Johnny over and he joined the conversation, filling them in on the apparent small details that were actually super important. 

They found out new things, with three smart minds working on the case, they pieced more things together, presumably getting closer to the case cracker. 

Jaemin quickly learned that Johnny was insanely smart and wasn't just some ditzy brunette in a mental hospital, he was probably the smartest person Jaemin knew. 

He found out why Johnny was the way he was currently and why they were both there. Jeno was there because he as well had a psychotic break. Johnny had been there for a very long time, he was born with his problem, he didn't go into further detail about it. 

He was always so cheerful because there was no point in being sad, especially not since he had such a sad life, might as well be cheerful. 

He was very mellow today, very relaxed and calm, which was both good and bad, good because that meant Johnny had better focus. Bad because mellow Johnny was Intimidating and gave off this vibe that said he would vibe check you. 

Little did the three of them know, Doyoung was listening to them the entire time, he was doing his best not to go over there and beat the shit out of Jeno. 

He warned Jeno repeatedly not to tell Jaemin about what was going on, and now he had to deal with Johnny too, he knew everything just as well perhaps even better than Jeno did.

He had to warn the others, he moved from his place in the back of the room and left for the main office. There he found Taeyong and Ten arguing with each other over something pointless again. 

"He knows." He said as he walked in confidently, that got the two of them to shut up and turn to him. The boss was turned away from them in his chair. 

"Jeno told Jaemin everything he knows. Johnny also knows, he knew more than Jeno did, what are we going to do now, boss?" Doyoung placed his hands on the desk leaning forward. 

The boss was silent for a moment before he hummed and turned around in his chair a mischievous smile on his face, "We don't do anything, we pretend to be normal, make them believe they are crazy." 

"Roger that boss." Taeyong said. Ten nodded in affirmation. 

"Understood, Jungwoo."Doyoung smirked and then turned on his heel, leaving to go deal with his patients. Act normal? Piece of cake. Not only did this benefit their plan but it also gave Doyoung a good laugh, seeing the look of defeat on Jeno's face would be worth it all.

— 

Months of this went on, Jeno, Johnny, and Jaemin were all going insane, they knew what was happening but the nurses and doctors pretended not too, as if nothing ever happened. 

Jaemin's operations became more frequent, three a week, they weren't actually operations to make him better, it was just so they could play their sick game of electroconvulsive therapy and trigger Jaemin to have seizures. 

They put him on all of these insane medications and then took him off of them causing withdrawals, very bad ones. The same thing happened to him when he had his break. 

That's what they were trying to do. They were trying to force him to have another break, but for what reason?? Just because they could, or were they testing something? 

......

That's it, they were testing what medications triggered a break in him and how long it took for him to break, they were going to drive him to insanity. 

As soon as he figured it out he relayed the message to Johnny and Jeno, they had figured it at the same time as he did.

They were to late to stop it, the damages had already been done, they couldn't help Jaemin now, they just had to let it happen. 

— 

The next day Jaemin laid in bed, he had already gone three nights without sleeping, he thought he was about to lose the last bit of sanity he had if he didn't get some sleep. 

He got up from bed and looked out the small window, there was nothing but old run down buildings surrounding them.

Something inside of him snapped and he was thrown back into his past, something he never wanted to relive. 

He was thrown back to the day his fiance came home from work one day, he was wreck, he had found some paperwork she had. 

She questioned what was wrong, did her best to comfort him, then he told her what he found out and she got pissed and slapped him for going through her stuff. 

Jaemin was furious with her but more heartbroken than anything, his child... Gone forever out of an act of selfishness, all because she didn't want to deal with it. 

He would never get that chance again, never even had the chance to know about his child before it was taken away from him. 

They got into a domestic, she fucked him up that day, emotionally and physically, his face was a bloody mess as well his hands. 

He left her that day, he kicked her out of his apartment and fell into a depressive state, started drugs and almost died. 

He stayed on that track of life for a month before he stopped taking the drugs, and then he had his break and almost killed himself, on the same day he went to talk to his ex. 

She had only stepped away for a second to go help her brother with something, in the time she wasn't looking he climbed up on the hood of his car and fell backwards off of it and hit his head on the curb. 

He came back to reality, tears streaming down his face at the memory, his heart was pounding in his chest, he tried so hard gain his composure and relax. 

The voice in the back of his mind grew louder as seconds passed, telling him to go to the enormous staircase and jump. He didn't want to do that but the voice was so powerful that he went there anyways. 

He stood at the railing of the staircase staring down at the far away ground. He was thrown back into his thoughts. 

He thought of Jaemin, the man he had grown so close to in the past two and a half months he had been here, his best friend, the man he cared for as more than a friend. 

Kind, beautiful, funny, caring, Jeno. He didn't deserve Jeno, no one did,he was to good for anyone less than him. 

He could hear Jeno's voice, it was almost like he was coming closer to Jaemin, he could hear Johnny too, it sounded like they were running towards him.

Before he knew it all he could hear was that voice in his head yelling at him to jump, screaming at him to do it before it was to late.

It was so unbearable that he gave in and gave it what it wanted, he climbed over the railing and jumped, plummeting down to the too far ground. 

The air rushed in his ears, rushed by so fast it made his eyes water and his nose tickle. It made his stomach turn at how fast he was falling downwards. 

He collided with the ground with a sickening smack, all the bones in his body shattering on contact. Jeno scream louder than he ever had in his life. 

He reached the railing a second to late, he almost fell off as well as he tried to grab Jaemin's hand, thankfully Johnny was there to pull him back on to his feet.

He rushed down the stairs to the bottom, he dove to his knees, sliding next to Jaemin's broken limp body. They did this to him, it was all their fault that Jaemin was gone. 

But it was also his because he failed to protect Jaemin from them, he failed to protect the man he loved and now because of that he was dead. 

"Don't do this to me Jaemin, please don't do this to me, I love you Jaemin, please come back to me." he sobbed. He pulled Jaemin's limp body into his arms and hugged him close. 

"Please Nana, please, please, I love you so much, please." He cried so hard at the silence. He didn't know what else to do but cry.

He was gone. 

Jaemin was gone. 

He didn't want to accept it, he didn't want it to be true, even as he held Jaemin's lifeless body in his arms he refused to believe that he was really gone. 

It all felt fake. The situation with the doctors, that the doctors did this to Jaemin, that Jaemin was gone. 

He cried for what felt like forever until his tears run dry. He gabbed Jaemin's hand and kissed the palm, a fresh set of tears threatening to spill. "I'm so sorry Jaemin." He whispered, he pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead and cradled his head against his chest, resting his chin on top of it Everything happened insanely fast, Jaemin was ripped from his arms, Jeno was held down against the ground as the people disappeared with Jaemin's body, that was the last thing Jeno ever saw of him. His limp, broken body being dragged away down the hall to God knows where and he couldn't do anything about it except watch and beg them to bring him back.

**Author's Note:**

> That was fun wasn't it?


End file.
